With This Puzzle, I Thee Kill Read online

  Table of Contents

  Title Page

  Dedication

  Praise

  A CRYPTOGRAM FOR THE PUZZLE LADY

  Prologue

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  Chapter 26

  Chapter 27

  Chapter 28

  Chapter 29

  Chapter 30

  Chapter 31

  Chapter 32

  Chapter 33

  Chapter 34

  Chapter 35

  Chapter 36

  Chapter 37

  Chapter 38

  Chapter 39

  Chapter 40

  Chapter 41

  Chapter 42

  Chapter 43

  Chapter 44

  Chapter 45

  Chapter 46

  Chapter 47

  Chapter 48

  Chapter 49

  Chapter 50

  Chapter 51

  Chapter 52

  Chapter 53

  Chapter 54

  Chapter 55

  Chapter 56

  Chapter 57

  Chapter 58

  Chapter 59

  About the Author

  ALSO BY PARNELL HALL

  AND A PUZZLE TO DIE ON - On sale November 2004

  Copyright Page

  Raves for Parnell Hall’s Puzzle Lady Mysteries

  WITH THIS PUZZLE, I THEE KILL

  “Cora is a wonderful—and funny—curmudgeon. The writing is smooth and the plot moves along nicely. . . . The puzzles are only a small fraction of the fun in these books.”

  —Mystery News

  “Hall’s gift for dialogue is never better than in the exchanges between Sherry and Cora. . . . The pace is brisk, slowed only by the deciphering of the cryptograms. . . . A treat.”

  —Drood Review of Mystery

  “An enjoyable, easy read, and for a puzzle-lover, ideal.”

  —Old Book Barn Gazette

  A PUZZLE IN A PEAR TREE

  “Ideal for the puzzle fan as well as the mystery fan, this frothy, funny and ingenious fourth Puzzle Lady novel has enough plot twists for the most avid mystery reader.”

  —Dallas Morning News

  “Parnell Hall has written another excellent amateur sleuth novel . . . with so many twists and turns, dead ends, and viable suspects that readers will want to finish the book in one sitting so they can puzzle out who did what to whom.”

  —Midwest Book Review

  “The best yet . . . I can’t think of one negative thing to say about Puzzle in a Pear Tree. Parnell Hall has outdone himself on this one.”

  —Mystery News

  “A whodunit of the first order.”

  —Halifax Chronicle-Herald

  “Wonderfully funny. Parnell Hall has such a flair for making a mystery funny that reading his books is always a pleasure.”

  —RT Bookclub (Top Pick)

  “Delightful!” —MLB News (Holiday Homicides selection)

  “The brash and lovable Cora Felton is back with another mystery. . . . If you haven’t read one of the author’s whodunits, this might be a good time to start.”

  —Abilene Reporter-News

  “This year there are several treats, one of the best being this outing with Parnell Hall’s redoubtable Puzzle Lady, Cora Felton.”

  —Toronto Globe and Mail

  “All will enjoy Hall’s nimble wordplay.”

  —Booked & Printed

  “Crossworders will relish.”

  —Denver Post

  “The fun for fans of this series consists of the nexus between the plot and the puzzle. . . . Hall’s books involve the reader in the action the way few others do.”

  —Richmond Times-Dispatch

  “An ingenious series of lighthearted, humorous mysteries.”

  —Winston-Salem Journal

  “Cora’s indifference to proper holiday spirit and everyday civility saves the day as she untangles tinsel and public charades.”

  —Kirkus Reviews

  “Smooth prose and a tantalizing plot.”

  —Library Journal

  “Hall is a pure entertainer. . . . As one of the few active practitioners of the elaborate Golden Age–style detective novel, Hall should be cherished.”

  —Weekly Standard

  PUZZLED TO DEATH

  “The third in a series that we suspect will just keep getting bigger. Not only is the device a natural . . . but Cora Felton is an appealing character . . . quick as a cobra with her wit. . . . Almost as much fun as doing the Sunday Times puzzle.”

  —American Way

  “Funny, obnoxious, and deadly.”

  —Rendezvous

  “A thoroughly entertaining tale.”

  —Chicago Sun-Times

  “A fun meringue of a novel . . . the kind of mystery not often seen these days.”

  —San Jose Mercury News

  “Amusing . . . challenging . . . unique.”

  —Southbridge (MA) News

  “Quirky . . . Cora is funny [and] irreverent . . . light reading with a twist.”

  —Mystery News

  “Intriguing puzzlers.”

  —Drood Review of Mystery

  “Fun.”

  —Chicago Tribune

  “Another amusing chapter in the life of that fraudulent puzzle producer Cora Felton and her talented niece.”

  —MLB News

  LAST PUZZLE & TESTAMENT

  “[An] homage to the very entertaining, breezy mind-game mysteries of the 1930s and ’40s. Enjoy the show!”

  —Los Angeles Times

  “Cora is emerging as a lovable and unique sleuth. [She’s] no sweet-natured Jessica Fletcher or wise-as-an-owl Miss Marple. . . . This series is a joy for lovers of both crosswords and frothy crime detection.”

  —Chicago Sun-Times

  “Fun from the first page . . . A witty, airy, and busy detective story . . . filled with love triangles, false leads, and danger.”

  —Dallas Morning News

  “Takes a sweet-faced grandmother on the gumshoe spree of a lifetime.”

  —Washington Post Book World

  “Cora’s heart-of-gold personality gives Last Puzzle & Testament a special feel that turns this novel into a keeper that will be read many times over in the years to come.”

  —Midwest Book Review

  “The author proves himself very adept at constructing the puzzles that are at the core of his mystery. The reader gets a chance to solve the puzzles before the protagonists do, which adds to the fun.”

  —Pittsburgh Post-Gazette

  “Crossword puzzle fans, this one is for you.”

  —Oklahoman

  “This novel’s puzzles within puzzles will charm and so will its attractive cast.”

  —Booklist

  “Just the ticket for the puzzle addict(s) on your list.”

  —Booknews from The Poisoned Pen

  “Laced with witty dialogue and enough twists to satisfy the most demanding of mystery fans.”

  —Greenburg (PA) Tribune-Review

  A CLUE FOR THE PUZZLE LADY

&n
bsp; “Some puzzles are real killers . . . devious and delightful.”

  —Chicago Sun-Times

  “Deft . . . clever . . . fun.”

  —Booklist

  “The real lure here is the mystery, whose ingenuity takes quite unexpected forms en route to the final unmasking. Heaven for crossword fans, who’ll rejoice over the solve-as-you-go puzzle!”

  —Kirkus Reviews

  “Cora Felton is a delightfully different sort of sleuth—hardly the decorous, tea-sipping village spinster. In truth, she’s a hoot. I hope her niece can keep her out of too much trouble so that we can all savor future adventures of the Puzzle Lady.” —Joan Hess, author of the Claire Malloy and Maggody mystery series

  “In addition to his trademark zippy, witty dialogue, Hall provides a dandy puzzle, congenial secondary characters, plenty of laughs, and a true original in Cora Felton, the Puzzle Lady.”

  —Publishers Weekly

  “Fresh, funny, and ingeniously devised. It kept me guessing right down to the end—just like a good crossword!”

  —Will Shortz, crossword editor, New York Times

  “Parnell Hall’s superb new series dazzles like the Fourth of July, crackling with fun, wordplay, more twists than a maze, and a clever, vulnerable, wild woman sleuth—Cora Felton, the Puzzle Lady. Sheer delight!”

  —Carolyn Hart, author of Murder Walks the Plank and the Henrie O mystery series

  “A twisting plot, an intriguing puzzle, and a surprisingly satisfying romance. This one is hard to beat.”

  —Janet Evanovich

  “A fresh series with an engaging sleuthing duo . . . a lighthearted romp.”

  —Alfred Hitchcock Mystery Magazine

  ALSO BY PARNELL HALL

  A Clue for the Puzzle Lady

  Last Puzzle & Testament

  Puzzled to Death

  A Puzzle in a Pear Tree

  For Lynn, who said yes.

  A CRYPTOGRAM FOR THE PUZZLE LADY

  A cryptogram is a coded message. There are many types. In a common cryptogram, each letter of the alphabet has been replaced by another letter of the alphabet. This is rather easy to solve.

  Other codes are harder. Letters are not substituted but rearranged. To solve the code, it is necessary to figure out the method by which this was accomplished.

  It took the Allies ten months to crack the Enigma code in World War II. . . .

  The Puzzle Lady doesn’t have that long, and would appreciate all the help she can get.

  Prologue

  “ARE YOU GOING TO WEAR WHITE?” SHERRY CARTER ASKED.

  Cora Felton flailed her way through the profusion of material the seamstress had managed to drape about her body, then shot her niece a reproving look. “Of course I’m going to wear white. I always wear white when I get married. Except what’s-his-name, who wanted me to wear the frou-frou thing.” She grimaced at the memory. “That really should have given me the hint.”

  “It certainly should have,” Sherry agreed, a little too quickly. In Sherry’s opinion, all of Cora’s husbands had been undesirable, and she marveled at the fact it had taken marrying them to get Cora to see that.

  Cora Felton, though quite aware of her niece’s views, was not at all sympathetic to them. After all, Sherry’s marriage had been an absolute disaster.

  “Is that right?” Cora said. “I bet you don’t even know which one I’m talking about.”

  “Do you?” Sherry shot back.

  Cora frowned: Which damn husband was it who had wanted the unorthodox ceremony? Unorthodox. Was it the Jewish one? No, he’d gone along with the church wedding.

  “Could you keep your arms up?” the seamstress asked, a trifle too sweetly. Cora had been squirming like an octopus ever since the fitting began, and the woman’s nerves were getting frayed.

  “Not if you’re gonna poke me,” Cora grumbled defensively. “If you’re gonna poke me, I’m gonna move.”

  “I’m not going to poke you,” the seamstress said, edgily. She was a lean woman in work shirt and jeans, with her hair cut in bangs, and a kerchief around her neck. To Cora, the scissors stuck in the woman’s belt began to look like a weapon.

  The bridal shop where Cora was being fitted for a wedding gown was in New York City. Had it been in her hometown of Bakerhaven, Connecticut, Cora would undoubtedly have been recognized instantly as the Puzzle Lady, famous for both her crossword puzzle column and her TV commercials, but the seamstress here in the big city didn’t seem to have a clue. Not that Cora expected special treatment. Still, it would have been nice not to merit contempt.

  “I didn’t think you could remember,” Sherry told Cora.

  “A lot of them tend to blend together,” Cora admitted. “You’ve only been married once. Any memories you have are apt to be right.”

  “You make that sound like a bad thing.”

  “Well, your marriage was.”

  “I was talking about quantity, not quality.”

  “Please,” Cora protested. “No wordplay, or I’ll go nuts.”

  The seamstress gasped. “Oh, my God, you’re the Puzzle Lady! Here I am working on you, and you’re the Puzzle Lady! Goodness, how extraordinary!”

  Cora didn’t feel obliged to point out just how ordinary it was for her to get married. Nevertheless, some self-deprecating gesture was indicated. Cora resented that. The woman abuses her for an hour, then makes her apologize.

  “It’s really nothing,” Cora told her. “But this wedding is important to me. Even if it’s not important to my niece.”

  The seamstress, not five minutes from flinging Cora around like a rag doll, now sprang to her defense. “How can you say that?” she demanded of Sherry. “Of course the wedding must be just right.”

  Sherry groaned. Here she was, getting the worst of it on all fronts. And maddeningly so. The accusations were unfair, unjust, and dead wrong. In point of fact, Sherry Carter wrote the crossword puzzle column her aunt took credit for. If the truth be known, Cora Felton couldn’t construct a puzzle if her life depended on it. Not that she wanted to. Cora Felton didn’t even like crossword puzzles. She liked solving crimes, and was unusually adept at it. Puzzles, on the other hand, left her cold.

  The seamstress, writhing in the death throes of the terminally starstruck, simpered, “You’re going to need some more lace. The grander the wedding, the grander the lace, that’s what I always say. You would not believe the way I can streamline a gown.” She flushed. “Not that you need streamlining, mind. But the lines do make a difference, dear.”

  Cora was beginning to miss the acerbic seamstress who thought she was a pain. “Just don’t squeeze me into it like a sausage. If I gotta wear the damn thing all day, I gotta be comfortable.”

  The seamstress raised both eyebrows at the word damn. Could this really be the same woman who sold breakfast cereal to children on TV? “I promise you’ll be comfortable. Of course, many brides drop five to ten pounds just before walking down the aisle. We have to take that into consideration.”

  “If you do, you’ll bleed from the nose,” Cora informed her. “If I lose weight, you can take the dress in. If I gain weight, you can let it out. Make it fit me now.”

  “Yes, of course, dear.”

  The seamstress, much chastened, looped some more fabric.

  Cora fingered the silk. “Oh, this is nice! You think he’ll like it?”

  “He hasn’t even proposed yet,” Sherry pointed out.

  Cora waved it away. “That’s a mere formality. Trust me, I’ve been married often enough to know. When it happens, you’ve gotta be ready. I mean, what if the guy proposed, and before you could get the dress made he changed his mind?”

  “I would think you’d count yourself lucky you didn’t marry such a fickle man.”

  “Oh, yeah? I’ll have you know just such a fickle man paid for my apartment. Men agree to anything when they want to be free.”

  The seamstress could not have looked more shocked had Cora just revealed herself to be a phone-se
x operator. Cora stuck one finger under the woman’s chin, closed her mouth.

  “I don’t care what you say, this is tight. Let’s go one size larger. If you need to, you can take it in. Dear.”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  “You do have it in a larger size, don’t you?”

  “Yes, of course. Just let me go look.”

  “Good. When you find it, bring it to me. I’m getting out of this straitjacket.”

  Cora thrust the veil at Sherry, and stomped off in the direction of the changing rooms.

  “Oh, dear,” the seamstress said. “Is she . . . I mean . . . is she really going to buy a dress?”

  Sherry smiled. “I don’t think there’s anything I could say that would stop her. Yes, she’s worth waiting on. You can count on the sale.”

  The seamstress flushed again. She hurried off to the back of the store to look for a larger wedding gown.

  Sherry sat, turning the veil over in her hands. She smiled wistfully. Her own wedding had been an elopement. No gown, no veil, no church service, no guests.

  If only that had been the worst of it.

  She shrugged off the thought. This was about Cora, not her. This was Cora’s chance for happiness. Just because she couldn’t remember how many chances she’d had shouldn’t diminish its importance. And, assuming it took place, this would be the first of Cora’s weddings Sherry had attended. Cora had asked her to be the maid of honor. Sherry couldn’t disappoint her. She needed to get in the spirit.

  Out on the sidewalk, a scraggly young man in black jeans and a sleeveless black T-shirt stood peering in the window of the bridal shop. Razor, as the lead guitarist for the rock band Tune Freaks liked to be called, pushed the matted hair off his forehead, rubbed his bleary eyes. To a casual observer, Razor might have appeared stoned out of his mind, but that was just the way Razor always looked. In point of fact, the guitarist could seldom afford drugs, and had long since run out of young women willing to give them to him.

  Of late, Razor had been in a particularly foul mood due to the fact the Tune Freaks’ lead singer, Dennis Pride, had quit the band, leaving the singing chores up for grabs. Razor didn’t want to sing, but he didn’t want anyone else in the band to sing, and possibly rival him. So Razor was singing and playing lead guitar. His voice was adequate at best, his guitar playing suffered, and no one in the band was happy.